One of Auntie Shell's first memories upon hitting European shores was of switching on the television in May 2001 to witness the horrifying, splendid train wreck that is the Eurovision Song Contest. An Innocent Abroad, she was unprepared for the earnest enthusiasm for egregious pop that afflicts the continent, at least on that one night in late spring.
At that moment, she would have activated the remote were it not for the acerbic (and presumably
alcohol-fuled) reflections of BBC presenter, Terry Wogan. But Wogan's snarky comments, especially those
concerning the Danish presenters ("Doctor Death and The Tooth Fairy") got AS hooked on the yearly extravaganza.
She learned that the voting is political: that Balkans cast their highest votes for Balkans; that Scandinavians vote for Scandinavians; that Greece votes for Cyprus and Cyprus almost never votes for Turkey; and that pretty much nobody votes for the UK (perhaps because they're yoked to a non-European bully that tends to ignore Europe and invade the rest of the planet), even though they bankroll the event.
She also learned that catchy tunes prevail; that "wardrobe malfunctions" pay (the UK started the trend, when, in 1981, the group Bucks Fizz delighted viewers with a tearaway skirt, and ran away with the prize); that there will always be at least one act that didn't get memo (key of G: repeat: KEY OF G!); that somehow the French warrant translation of the telephone voting results into their language (Royaume Uni: nulle points!); that everyone takes the thing seriously except the United Kingdom, who only pay attention in order to make fun of the event and/or grouse about losing.
Tragically, Auntie Shell missed the first hour of the 2006 Eurovision Song Contest broadcast.
Therefore, she was only able to capture two gems of the Wogan vintage:
#2: On one country's performance:
"I don't think Spain cares anymore."
#1: Who remembers the context; it doesnt matter, it could apply to the whole program:
"I've had virtually nothing to eat this evening."
Because The Netherlands cannot seem to come up with an act that can make it to the final, and because the BBC, at Eurovision as well as any other time of year, has kept her sane throughout this expat adventure, Auntie Shell is compelled to support the UK. We thought "Teenage Life" was better cheesy rubbish than much of the other cheesy rubbish on show this year. Better luck in 2007, chin up, what what.
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